School Life

Things have been good. Am I am getting nervous. I feel like I am in the eye of the storm and something will suddenly shove me down to the ground and ruin my life forever.  But maybe the shit in my life is actually over.  I mean work has been getting better.... but whose to say that it wont be a shit-show tomorrow, school is actually interesting to me, I am getting decent grades, I have been eating healthy, trying to work out more often (so walking is considered this because I am a lazy bum), and I have a roommate that I can actually socialize with.  Money is still an issue, BUT today I looked at my bank account and was confused because my visa was saying Balance: (180) and I was soo sure I had paid off my bill.  And I did! I had over paid it almost $200.  So getting that back today was absolutely lovely.

I ran in to a couple people today that I don't usually see. Like Cathy and Julianna.  It's weird because I saw them both, not together, but when we hang out it is usually the three of us. I have realized though that everyone is really busy with school and stuff.  But... if I can make time to hang out with people, then I think it is acceptable for others to be able too as well.  Cause lets be honest, I have 2 full-time jobs at this very moment, whereas others don't.  It's not too difficult to text though, right?

I am nervous because I know exams are coming up, but for some reason, my exams are all spread out.  Well my mmidterms.  I have one October 4th (Western Civilization), October 16th (Human Neuropsychology), and October 23rd (History of Jazz). I think I can handle this.  Maybe this "reading the textbook" and "taking notes" thing really works.  Well if it does, its because I have a homework Nazi living with me and she makes me want to be smart (just kidding, not really....LOVE YOU CHELSEA).

Maybe my organizer is making me more focused.  This organizer is fantastic. I bought it down in Barnes & Noble when I went down with my sister for the weekend and its perfect.  It is part wallet, part weekly planner, expense organizer, goal holder, project list, and reference holder. It has my entire life in that thing.  Here's a couple pictures of that bad-boy:

And this is what my current week is looking like.  Maybe I am not actually that organized...

On a random note, I love the band Stars and their newest album "North" is fantastic.  It's got an 80s and folk feel to it and I am really loving it.  Maybe you should check it out!

I Want vs. I Need

Sometimes I hate pay day.  Just because for me, I get paid and it feels as though all of my money is gone.  I'm trying to save up some money for after I graduate, but it just doesn't seem to be happening.  At one point I think I will finally get it right, but for that is just not today. I really wish that here in Canada we could go all Extreme Couponing, but alas.... we can't.  This is like the one time that I wish I was American.  I am however only an hour away from the border, so I could drive down and grocery shop, but I do have a slight addiction problem to random things in general, so it would not be a good idea.

I NEED to tell myself more often to get the essentials, and that is it.  As long as I can make it through until my next pay check I should be okay.  I just wish my pay check knew that. Bleh. =(

WANTS vs. NEEDS.  Get it together Todd. (=D)

28 Day Challenge

I'm just going to start off by saying I am not very good at running.  But I have a strange belief that the Zombie Apocalypse will be the death of all humans.  I'm not saying this to be all morbid, I'm saying this because I am not very good at running.  And for some reason I feel like Zombies would be VERY good at running.

So what I decided to do was make a challenge out of it.  Running and Zombies. I called it the 28 Day Challenge (because of the movie 28 days later and because after 27 days of doing something constant it becomes a habit...so I hope running will become a habit for me).

And let me tell you.  Getting up and out of bed this morning at 6:00 AM was exhausting.  I kept wanting to just go back to sleep, but then I thought of a post I saw on pinterest (placed below) and I couldn`t. And for me to get up this early by my OWN choice, is a short straw away from a miracle.  I mean I am usually up at 8:00 ish every other day, but 6:00? No.

My running, was basically a walk.  With maybe three intervals of actual running.  It's not for lack of trying, its just that.  Well these are going to sound like excuses, but THEY ARE NOT, 1) I need to find a better way to hold my  iPod because I thought it was going to fall out of my pocket, 2) I need to find a place to put my keys, 3) I need to STRETCH, 4) Be Hydrated, 5) Run.

Well I'm done.  I have to study and go to work today, so my life sucks. Bleh. I can't wait to take a nap by the pool tomorrow. =)

Done.

I have learned that people come and go from your life with reasons.  And sometimes you can try and keep others in your life, but when it comes to the point where you are the only one trying, its exhausting.  After so many attempts, I just no longer care at being considered the "bad" friend anymore.

A quote I saw the other day goes something like this:

We are acquaintances with memories

That is how I feel.  I just can't understand how after putting so much effort into making a relationship, how some people can just throw it away. I mean I understand that people fade and change (I saw that happen with my friends from high school), what I can't understand is how someone will just not try.  They are the exact same person they were when you were friends, but for some reason think you are yesterdays news.

My fourth year of university starts in two days. And I'm nervous, because my job sucks. And I am stressed with that and the hours I have. And now I'm about to enter into the last year that I will take at this university and it's stressful.  And I just don't want to waste my time any more trying to be with people who don't want to be with me.

I know who my friends are. Who my best friends are. They are the people that I won't talk to for weeks or months, but can pick up a conversation exactly where we left off, because we are not trying to be someone else (my sister, Lulu, Chels, Ami, Mak, and Nat.  That's if you are reading this).  I know that I am not the easiest person to get along with at most times. And sometimes I annoy myself too, but I love you guys.  This all sounds really high school-ish I know, but I seem to be having a mid-twenty crisis. Or maybe I am just becoming the blunt person who will say everything that no one else will.

What I am trying to say, is that I am going to treat people the way they treat me.  So if you want to get together with me, make the effort.  If you don't, then I am not making the effort. Sometimes becoming a full-time introvert is something I believe I could walk into gracefully, but then I think I enjoy talking too much.

Moving on.

Relating to my earlier point about work, I am going to write this here because sometimes I think a roommate can only hear so much before becoming annoyed (sorry Chels).  But FYI.  My availability says I am UNABLE to work on tuesdays and thursdays, so don't ask me to come in because the STORE MANAGER is sick today and we have a window change.  DO NOT ask me to come in on Thursday, because said manager is going to be sick still because I AM UNAVAILABLE.  I am there to make money to pay off school, not have this shit-show as my full time career. Oh, and I requested it off. Did you? No. So guess who is the one missing the Miranda Lambert concert? You. Go eff yourself you ugly cow, I-wish-I-could-punch-you-in-the-face-so-you-curl-into-a-ball-and-die-and-have-coach-roaches-eat-out-your-eyes-while-you-are-conscious. Oh and to my "sick manager".  If you want to go to Nanton and get laid by your greasy-ass fuck buddy so he can cheat/leave you like your last two husbands and old boyfriend have fun. I am done with your shit and bending over back words for your every need. I hate you all. Every single one of you.

I feel like I need to change my availability.  Or quit.  I honestly don't know what to do, and talking/writing about it isn't doing anything.  Everyone is giving me advice, and I am overwhelmed. I don't think anyone really realizes what this is doing to me. And I tried talking to my manager, but then I just end up getting confronted at work by another manager or persuaded about something I had an issue with earlier.  And the one person who I trust at the store, is starting to tell "sick manager" things that I have told her in confidence.  I honestly just don't have anyone to trust anymore there.

And I need help.  Or a sign.  That things get better, and that life or my job isn't always going to be this hard and confusing.  That maybe, just maybe, I can look back at this job to see what I have learned from it.  Now, at this very moment, all I feel is that it is making me bitter, unhappy, stressed, sad, and angry.  I shouldn't have to go to work and have to do mundane things like folding crap to hide the fact that I am about to cry, when nothing has happened to make me want to.

Sometimes I question whether it's my job or if there is something wrong with me... Frick.